Calmness in chaos is something I’ve learned to cultivate over time. For me, it starts with something simple, like taking three deep breaths before stepping into a high-stress situation. This small act sets the stage for emotional regulation, which I see as crucial in social and emotional learning. This approach isn’t just for my benefit; it’s designed as a consistent, repeatable framework that can help anyone—from caregivers to families—bring clarity and compassion to the way we support others.
My goal is to help people manage emotions in ways that promote their personal and social growth. This journey is deeply rooted in principles like kindness, trust, and integrity, and I find that these values make it possible to respond effectively to the ups and downs of life without shame or punishment. Instead, I see emotional regulation as a skill that requires consistent, compassionate practice.
The Colored States of Emotional Regulation
Over time, I’ve found that breaking down emotions into “coloured states” offers a clear way to recognise and manage the different emotional and physical states we all experience. Here’s how I’ve come to understand these states:
1. Red State:
When I’m in the Red state, I know I’ve lost control. Whether from anger, joy, or overwhelming relief, emotions flood my system. This state isn’t just about anger, though it often appears that way. I remind myself that other complex emotions—like fear, embarrassment, or frustration—can all hide behind anger. When I’m in Red, logical conversations simply don’t work. What’s needed is a safe space, some distance, and time to let the storm pass.
2. Yellow State:
Yellow is that heightened state of alertness where I feel the tension of stress or excitement but still have some control. I might feel anxious, silly, or frustrated, but I’m still capable of having a productive conversation. In this state, it helps to acknowledge what I’m feeling and to practice the tools I’ve developed over time to prevent escalation. With time, it’s become easier to recognise when I’m here and to work on staying steady.
3. Green State:
Green is my calm state of alertness—when I’m grounded, focused, and ready to learn. Here, I’m open to introspection and can process emotions without being overwhelmed. However, I know that being in Green doesn’t mean I’m necessarily “happy.” Rather, I feel a sense of contentment and balance that allows me to be fully present.
4. Blue State:
When I’m in the Blue state, my energy is low. I might feel sad, tired, or even bored. This state can be uncomfortable, but I’ve learned it’s essential to allow these feelings. They’re a natural part of my emotional landscape, and I’ve come to respect that. Sometimes, I notice I shift from Blue to Yellow if these feelings intensify, preparing me for a more active emotional response. Recognising this helps me take action before things escalate.
Developing Self-Regulation Skills
Building self-regulation skills has been a journey. I’ve found that using a “toolbox” of strategies helps me recognise and manage my emotional states. One tool that’s worked well for me is a color-coded avatar that visually represents my current emotional state. This simple visual aid helps me reflect on what I’m feeling and allows others to better understand my needs, even when my emotions aren’t outwardly visible.
The practice of labeling my emotions without judgment has been incredibly freeing. Emotions aren’t inherently “good” or “bad.” They simply are. Each state serves a purpose, and by validating my feelings rather than shaming them, I’ve created a space where I can process whatever comes my way.
Takeaways for Emotional Growth
- Emotions Aren’t Good or Bad: Each emotion serves a purpose. Instead of labeling them, I allow myself to feel them, knowing they’ll eventually pass.
- Patience and Consistency are Key: Emotional intelligence is a lifelong skill. Progress may be slow, but with consistency and compassion, growth happens
- We All Experience Multiple States: I’ve come to understand that emotions aren’t linear. At times, I feel a mix of states, and recognising this complexity allows for deeper self-compassion.
- Embrace Emotional Awareness: By allowing myself to feel my emotions fully, I find they often dissipate on their own, leaving me with a sense of relief and clarity.
Breaking down my emotions through this color-coded framework has helped me understand myself better and develop a deeper sense of self-compassion. Each step along this journey reminds me that learning to regulate my emotions is an ongoing process, but
